The Rambling Insomniac

I guess I’m being somewhat stereotypical when I say this, but I have a conception that people who live in Sheboygan eat bratwurst all the time. Right? Monday night it’s grilled brats for dinner. Tuesday night it’s bratwurst fettuccine. Wednesday morning it’s brat patties and eggs for breakfast. Thursday night…well, you get my point. So this leads me to my question of, “Hey Sheboygan, what’s in those brats you’re eating?” What do I mean by that? Well, there’s not a week that goes by that some sort of weird or wacky news story comes out of Sheboygan. Does anyone here know what I’m talking about? Reflecting on the past year, I can immediately recall numerous stories out of Sheboygan about stabbings, shootings, indecent exposure cases, drug busts, child enticement cases, kidnappings, etc.

Just in the past month, there have been several notable stories out of Sheboygan. One had to do with the 40-year-old woman who abducted and robbed her own mother. Another story had to do with police officers opening fire on a pit bull as it charged them. Fortunately for the pit bull, they missed. Another story, just this past week, had to do with some guy being charged with a felony for “discharging a bodily fluid at a public safety officer” after he spit on a cop. C’mon, these just aren’t normal run-of-the-mill news stories here.

And don’t get me started on all the drug stories that come out of Sheboygan. Last week, there was the guy that got caught hiding 8 grams of crack cocaine in his underwear. I guess that would be a case of “crack in his crack”, huh? Then there’s the guy that had 30 pounds of marijuana shipped from his buddy in California to his house in Sheboygan. Only problem was, his buddy sent it to the wrong address, which led to the Sheboygan guy getting busted. Whoa Dude, wrong address, hey? That must have been some killer reefer you’re buddy was sending you! And then there’s my favorite from just two weeks ago. A guy was being pulled over for a routine traffic stop when police saw him throw something from his window. Turns out it was a cigarette pack containing over an ounce of cocaine. The guy then tried to run from the police, and they ended up zapping him with a Taser gun to subdue him. Sounds pretty normal as far as drug stops go, doesn’t it? Oh, but wait. Did I mention that the police then found a live chicken in the trunk of the guy’s car? The guy claimed he had gotten the live chicken from “a local fast food restaurant”. The guy was arrested, and the chicken was taken to the humane society. Hmmm. Seriously, I can’t make that sort of stuff up.

The interesting thing is, I’ve been to Sheboygan numerous times in the past few years for work and recreation, and it seems like a pretty normal town to me. I know several co-workers and friends that live there, and they’re all normal as well. I really don’t mean to pick on people from Sheboygan, or make light of the seriousness of many of the things we hear from there. But really, you don’t hear these types of stories coming out of Menomonee Falls, Port Washington, Cedarburg, Germantown or Kenosha do you?

Maybe it’s all the drugs up there causing the problems? Maybe there’s something in the lake water driving people crazy? Or maybe, just maybe, there really is something wrong with all those Sheboygan brats that get eaten up there? I’ll have mine with kraut please.

G’Night G’Town!

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else. ~Will Rogers

On Sunday, it’s time to welcome back an old friend of mine, the season of autumn (I prefer to call it “Fall”). Fall has always been a favorite season for many here in Wisconsin, and with all its splendor, unpredictability and dominating presence, it’s no wonder. In typical Wisconsin fashion, summer made sure to make its last presence known on Friday by breaking records all over the state with unseasonably high temperatures. As if to say, “I might be over, but I’m not done yet”, summer even blasted us with a nice thunderstorm Friday night as well. But enough of you summer! I’m tired of your heat, humidity and mosquitoes!

- Bring on fall’s stiff winds and ever present coolness; the type of coolness that even air-conditioning cannot reproduce. The steel cold breezes that make your body actually shiver for the first time in many months, and remind you of winter’s icy grip that lies ahead.

- Bring on the change of colors in the trees. Dazzle me with horizons of yellows, golds, oranges, reds, browns and greens. Who can deny the inarguable attraction of a tree canopied country road drenched with fallen leaves?

- Bring on the harvest, and let us reap the rewards of all that we have grown over the summer. Fall means crisp apples, pumpkin pies, fresh apple cider and homemade jellies and jams.

- Bring on football season! Whether it’s Friday night’s game at the local high school, Packer Sundays, or a game of touch football in the yard with friends and family, echoes of “Touchdown!” continually float across the cool winds of fall.

- Bring on fall hunting seasons and fall fishing!

- Bring on Halloween with all of its ghosts, goblins and jack-o-lanterns.

- Bring on the huge piles of raked leaves in our yards. Leaf piles bring out the kid in all of us by tempting us to jump in and bury ourselves underneath them. Soon after, falls breezes will carry the unmistakable smell of those same leaves burning throughout our neighborhoods.

I could go on and on about all I like about fall. Unfortunately there is definitely one thing I do not like about it…fall is simply way to short.

G’Night G’Town!

Delicious autumn! My very soul is wedded to it, and if I were a bird I would fly about the earth seeking the successive autumns. ~George Eliot

Dear Britney,

After watching and listening to all the criticism you received over the past week regarding your performance on Sunday nights MTV Video Music Awards, I wanted to drop you a note of encouragement. For weeks, I eagerly anticipated your performance, and had myself plopped down on the couch with a beer and bag of potato chips to see you at 8pm.

First, let’s start with your outfit. Many people have given you grief for the black bra and panties combo you chose to wear. Personally, I thought it was a lovely combination. Your naysayers obviously didn’t notice the rhinestones and fishnet stockings you included as part of the outfit. These added a perfect touch of class if you ask me! In fact, had you asked me “Does this outfit make me look fat?” I would have simply replied with a smile and a compassionate “What outfit?”

As for the criticisms regarding the botched lip-synching during your performance, your same naysayers obviously do not understand the technical difficulties you must have had to deal with that night! I’m sure that the stage crew simply did not have your voice monitor turned up loud enough for you to hear yourself lip-synch. But please know Britney, I truly understand.

And as for your lackluster dance routine, I understand that as well. It was quite obvious that the one of the heels on your six-inch stilettos was broken, and you were simply doing the best you could. Where is a girl to find a decent pair of Prada’s these days!?

And lastly, I’m appalled that so many people would criticize your hair. Don’t they know that just eight months ago you were completely bald? Don’t they understand what havoc bleach and hair dyes can wreak on a young girls hair? And don’t they understand that we all have bad hair days now and then? Personally, I thought your frayed split ends looked really cute.

I heard that after your performance you broke down backstage and started crying? Awwwww....that makes me feel so bad for you! I so wish I could have been there so you could have cried on my shoulder and simply held me tight. Of course, I’m not a pervert or anything like that.

So hopefully by now, you have gotten over all the criticisms. If not, and if you would like an escape, feel free to come and visit me here in Wisconsin. I’ll gladly make you dinner, have a few beers with you, and just be there to “listen”. In fact, you can actually talk to me, and you wouldn’t even have to lip-synch. However, I do ask that you wear the black bra and panties outfit if that’s okay with you.

Talk to you soon.

-Tom
 xoxo

G’Night G’Town!

There is much to be said for failure. It is more interesting than success. ~Max Beerbohm

Next Tuesday marks the six-year anniversary of the September 11th terrorist attacks on America.

Reflecting back over those six years, a lot has changed in my life. My wife and I have welcomed two beautiful children into the world together. We moved into a new home. I made a major career change, leaving my former employer of 15 years. I’ve switched primary vehicles several times. I’ve changed hairstyles. I’ve had heart surgery. I’ve given up on some old hobbies, and started several new ones. And fortunately, I’ve met many new friends.

But more important than the things that have changed in my life, are the things that have not changed in my life. I am still free. I still enjoy liberties that many others on this Earth are not allowed too. I am still safe in my home, my city, my state and my country. I still have endless opportunities to improve my life, and pursue whatever dreams I may have. I can still speak freely and openly in any public forum. I can still bear arms for recreation or protection of my family. I still have input into the leaders that are chosen to run my country, and I am welcome to participate in how my country is run. I still have countless rights of privacy, and feel secure knowing that what is mine is mine. I still cannot be unfairly persecuted, and my government assures this for me.

This is in no way some sort of political statement I’m trying to make here. Given that 2008 is an election year, we’ll hear enough political gibberish for the next 14 months. All I’m trying to say is it’s easy to sit back and be critical of things and find faults with the way things are, or are being done. I think it is actually harder sometimes to find the positive things in life and focus on them instead.

So next time your in your SUV, listening to your favorite music, going through the drive-through of Starbucks for your double latte’, take a minute to count your blessings as an American citizen. You’ll soon find out that a minute isn’t nearly enough time to count them all.

G’Night G’Town!

Faith is the bird that sings when the dawn is still dark. ~Rabindranath Tagore